So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
