Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
