Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Slut skills are useful in every country.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
