Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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