the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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