did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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