is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize