JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
