he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
