'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
