that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize