My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
