If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize