I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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