I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
