Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize