in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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