after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
