its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
