strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
