You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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