bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
