So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
