I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
