from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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