she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
