Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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