I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
