She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
