hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
