You're completely useless in the revolution.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
