If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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