She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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