Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
