ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
