When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
