he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
