i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
