it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
