No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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