So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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