I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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