Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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