You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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