Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
