I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
