i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
