Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
whose parrot is this?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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