there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
