Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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