WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
be right there i have to get my cape
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
