On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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