Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
