You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
