id be glad to
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
