I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
