there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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