I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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