We're facebook friends in real life
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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