Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
