nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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