C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can text with my tongue
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
