Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
