is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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