I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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