Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
