What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize